Author: Ricardo Segreda

Big Precipice By Jorge Icaza Coronel (Translated by Pat McNees Mancini) At the edge of the highest of the bleak plateaus, in a shack as dwarfish as the surrounding vegetation—velvety frailejón plants, tough buckthorns, rachitic straws of weed—the Indian, José Simbaña, and his young woman. Trinidad Callahuazo, had been living in sin for some time. Like good huasipungueros.* they worked from Monday to Saturday—clearing, planting, harvesting, digging ditches, cleaning up, doing extra work on holidays for liquor—on the property of “his honor, the big boss,” owner and lord of the hillside, the valley, the forest and the mountain. On Sundays, at dawn, the pair living in sin would enter the town’s church, he wearing a double poncho of Castillian baize, she a dark waistband, necklaces of gold-colored beads, and a bright shawl. Lost in the anonymous crowd of Indians and cholos,** José and Trinidad enjoyed the Mass from a corner of the darkest nave. The liturgical pantomime of the symbolic sacrifice, the dazzling glitter of the priest’s dress, the fragrance of the incense clouds, mixing in the fervent current of emotion of the country people, took on a superstitious flavor of familiar witchcraft. But when, before the Consecration, the priest spoke against wicked common law union, against violators of the holy laws, against those who neglected the sacraments of Holy Mother Church. José and Trinidad cringed in terror, a childish terror that made them look at each other out of the corner of their eyes, in anxious self- defense, with mutual accusation. A viscous dampness—the same that no doubt paralyzed their remotest ancestors in front of arquebuses, swords, armor and horses—oppressed them with this evidence of their eternal damnation. The good preacher’s realism in listing the punishments that Papa God, in His infinite power, had created for His misguided children led him into the most vulgar and exaggerated comparisons: “The indomitable fire of volcanoes, the big pot—the biggest one of all—of the old woman who sold tamales, the molten lead in the furnace of the one-eyed blacksmith. Melchor, the vipers of the forest, scorpions, spiders...

THE NEW SAINT: A STORY OF POLITICAL PROPAGANDA ON THE ECUADORIAN COAST (1938) In the bottomland along the river, the rice crop was almost ready, its sprigs gradually turning golden in the equatorial sun, its roots refreshed by the dark waters that rose around the base of the plants twice daily at high tide and then subsided at low tide, as if the marsh were breathing. The wind came down the river flirting with its rip­ples, just as crystalline as the water, seemingly emanating from the same distant Andean source, and it gently shook the long, rough leaves of the rice plants. Small splashes made by the sudden swish of tails-a catfish, a small crustacean-occasionally shook the lower parts of the plants from below. The springs would soon swell to the bursting point, matured by the labor of the mud and the sun. "You're going to make a pile of money this year, don Camilo." "You never know. It depends on the price. And as far as I know, the price of rice in Guayaquil is rock bottom. Of course, who cares what we make, right? A poor man's sweat doesn't make anything but a stink." "Relax, don Camilo, you'll see. The sucres are going to rain on you thicker than mosquitoes in the marsh." "Maybe." But Old Camilo Franco-whose unflattering nickname was "Bottles" because of his formerly limitless predilection to drain liter bottles of aguardiente - was not really thinking at all about the erect, parrot-green stalks of grain. Nor was he thinking about the potential produce of the stand of fruit trees that extended behind his riverbank dwelling with walls of woven cane. Nor about the egg­ laying hens that clucked and pecked at caterpillars and dried corn in their little enclosure. Nor about his enormous white ducks, "big as a one-and-a-half-year-old goat," that floated in the surrounding ponds and drainage channels, dipping their bills in vain pursuit of fish. Nor about the hogs that awaited their judgment day in his pigsty, mean­ while getting fatter and fatter. Nor even about the young calves that frolicked around his cows, rubbing themselves against their mothers' thighs and tugging ineffectually at the wild grasses in the pasture. You could have said to the man: "Don Camilo, your house is falling down . . . ." "Let it fall." At most he might add: "The termites have eaten through the supports, and I don't have any arsenic." And, vaguely and slowly, he would make an ugly face signifying sadness. And yet, Camilo Franco was, or had been, a tough, energetic man, strong as a thorny guadua cane as big around as your arm, and just as prickly, too, a man who had held firm against the rav­ ages of age-never weakening even for a day-since he turned fifty a couple of decades back. He had an adventurous past, one that he never bragged about, and, to the contrary, used to curse with regret. Old Camilo had been born the son of agricultural workers who lived by arrangement with the landowner on a large estate, the descendant of slaves, still in the same place where both the slaves and their descendants had lived out their miserable lives for genera­tions, always working for the same rich families. He did not conceal his family's long history of servitude: "Until I was thirty-three years old, the age of Christ, as they say, I worked my whole life for the white Moreira family." But then he had left, running away from everything, in order not to marry Magdalena. "I had been in love with Magdalena. That was one pretty heifer! Everybody gawked at her. We were about to get married, on my saint's day . . . but the patron got ahead of me . . . ." The old man sighed when he told the story, even now, so many years later. "He took advantage of her and wanted me to accept it and cover his tracks. But I couldn't accept it . . . how could I? Magdalena cried . . . and I loved her more all the time . . . but the patron got ahead of me . . . ." His voice became opaque and hoarse when he told the story, even now. And if his listeners were able to look deep into his eyes while he told it, they would no doubt see, against the background of his ashen grey pupils, the dark figure of that distant country girl, still wandering today, perhaps, on who-knows-what twisting path­ way through this life . . . . Meanwhile, told from the angle of the patron Moreira, the story would include a pastoral landscape, the blue sky, and lustful Love descending on fluttering wings. The rustic damsel would surrender herself to the conqueror's powerful arms as Pan, or some other similarly lecherous deity, watched with amusement from a nearby copse of trees. The time that old Camilo spent in the inhospitable, virgin wilderness, deprived of the deliciously human virginity of Magdalena, had been full of countless, extraordinary adventures. The forest gave up all its secrets to him. He learned the magic of the plant kingdom: the herbs that cure and the herbs that kill, the trees that signal the pres­ence of water or buried treasure, that ward off thieves or malicious spirits. He familiarized himself with the obscure lives of animals, from the most horrible creeping things to the fiercest of beasts. "I've made plenty of money off that stuff, too. But I never did any- thing un-Christian, either. Not me! I'm a good child of the Lord." People used to make fun of his religiosity: "You, don Bottles, will believe in anything." In fact, his fanatical religiosity led him to expect divine inter­vention in almost all matters, appealing to each saint according to his or her spiritual jurisdiction: "San Andres, please look after my rice crop. Santa Ana, please watch over my cow. Santa Barbara, I need rain! But, San Jonas, don't let it flood!" On the other hand, shrewd man that he was, he always took practical measures to facilitate the miracles that he so devoutly awaited, and he systematically applied the philosophy of old sayings. "God helps those who help themselves," he would say solemnly, or "He who find him­ self in the water should swim for shore," and he would then let out a shrill little laugh. They say that when he supposed the danger to have passed, that the patron had forgotten about his act of defiance in not marrying Magdalena, he finally came out of the hills. "But I came here, to the bottomlands." "And why didn't you go back to the Moreira estate, don Bottles?" "Some say I refused to go back so as not to face the patron, and some say it was so as not to face Magdalena." "And how about you? What do you say yourself?" "Nothing. I don't say anything. I don't say yes, and I don't say no . . . to anything." Instead, he found a place as a sharecropper on lands belonging to the Echarri family, occupying a little piece of bottomland along the river, where he lived ever after. "This is where fate brought me, where I found me a little piece of ground. This is where I married my wife, may she rest in peace. Here is where my daughter Carmen was born, the one they called Blackberry because she was so dark. And here is where Carmen died, too, in childbirth, leaving me my little filly, Marta. And here is where Marta has grown up, my only companion . . . ." He adored his little filly. This big macho, as he liked to think of himself, seemed more like a woman when he was taking care of the girl. Every night before going to bed, he quietly approached the mos­quito netting beneath which his granddaughter slept and contem­plated her for a while. He carefully adjusted the netting to protect her from the mosquitos. And then, raising his calloused right hand, he made the sign of the cross and blessed her in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. . . . The cause of don Camilo's distraction was, precisely, his granddaughter. He knew that she was eye-popping pretty, an object of desire. He knew that her firm flesh was a morsel for any palate. He knew that her tender seventeen years were tempting, indeed. And, tireless watchdog, he suffered because he knew. He meant to get her married as quickly as possible, and he had already chosen a husband for her. The marriage would happen when the waters rose at the end of the season. But he was still worried . . . . The fiance, Juan Puente, was an agricultural worker on a nearby estate, but he was not of peasant origin like Camilo. He was from the city and had held a good job on the railroad until he lost it, accused of being a labor agitator. The old man liked to chat with Juan Puente. Or rather, he liked to listen to the young man's impassioned ideas about social reform, ideas that opened unexpected vistas before his tired eyes. When Juan Puente talked about the legitimate demands of workers and peasants, old Camilo got it. He got it, and he became pensive and, not understanding everything that Puente said, he squirmed, determined to master the ideas. Gradually, he incorporated the new ideas by mixing them with the old ones already in his head, and, without intending to, he modified the new ideas to make them fit. Certain phrases danced in his mind: "Social Revolution," "the dictatorship of the proletariat," "Lenin is the great saint of the new religion." Don Camilo thought of Vladimir Illych Lenin in a manner that harmonized with his ingenuous peasant religiosity. One time Juan Puente gave Camilo a magazine that contained a picture of the Russian leader, and the old man cut the picture out and put it up on the wall beside a number of saint's images in the corner that he devoted to them. The little kerosene lamp that flickered there on a tiny altar thus illuminated one more holy image for the old man to remember in his daily prayers. Without confessing it aloud, old Camilo supposed that, in case of necessity, Lenin would be able to protect him, by some sort of miraculous intervention, from the depredations of the patron. And necessity seemed imminent. The patron's son, Dionisio, was prowling around Camilo's house on an almost daily basis. "I don't like to see that hawk flapping around here," repeated the old peasant. "That bird's looking for prey." And he could easily guess that the prey was his granddaughter, his little filly, who was not so little anymore. "Just like the other one. Just like him. Whites are all the same, all cut from the same cloth." He was afraid that the story of Magdalena might be repeated with his granddaughter, and so one day he communicated his fears to Juan Puente. "You know, Juan Puente. I like you very well, obviously, and because I like you I'm going to tell you . . ." "Tell me what, don Camilo?" "I've had it with that Echarri boy, up to here . . ." "Why?" "He's after Marta. He'd like to have her." "Really." "It's God's own truth. I've seen him." "Ah . . ." Juan Puente then said firmly: "I'll take care of that little twit. You'll see. I know how to treat his kind." Don Camilo smiled, still worried. But lo and behold, within a short time it became evident that young Echarri had discontinued his campaign. He vanished completely from the vicinity of the humble house where he had appeared so often in the past, riding his fine thoroughbred horse with its expensive saddle and bridle, taking no care to keep the enormous animal's hooves from trampling the crops that old Bottles had planted. And then came the news that the patron's son had left the estate to travel to Guayaquil, and eventually, to Europe. One day at dusk, when don Camilo was conversing with Juan Puente outside on the porch in the cool of the evening, he brought up the matter. "What did you do, Juan Puente, to get him off our backs so fast?" "Easy. I bumped into him one time, where your coffee bushes are planted. And I said to him: 'Look here, young man. You're after Marta, aren't you? Well,' I said, 'Marta is going to be my wife, and if you don't clear out of the way . . . I will kill you . . . understand? With this blade that I keep sharpened up just for you. Try it out. Touch it!' And I showed it to him right there." "And what did the white boy say?" "He got all pale and stuttered all over the place, making excuses, saying I'd made a mistake, that he wasn't after anybody, and that to prove it he was going to move up the date of a long trip that he was planning . . . . So I told him: 'Good idea, young man. You take the trip that you have in mind, because if you don't, I'm going to send you on a longer one . . . much, much longer. . . .' These bourgeois that want to ride us are really cowards, don Camilo. You just have to know how to deal with them!" "Ah . . ." The old man asked no more questions. He walked into the house and softly caressed the hair of his granddaughter, who sat in the corner near Camilo's little shrine, sewing her wedding dress. He lit the tiny kerosene wick and put it right in front of the portrait of Lenin. Then he went back out onto the porch to rejoin Juan Puente. He took the younger man's arm and whispered into his ear: "Listen, Juan Puente. I'm going to tell you something. . . ." "What?" "That white Echarri boy going away . . ." "Yeah?" "Lenin did it!" And looking up at the low, heavy clouds, the old man obeyed a powerful impulse, and raised his tired voice to shout at the sky: "Viva San Lenin!" A gust of wind that was passing on its way to the river at just that moment caught the last syllable of the shouted name and returned it with a clapping of leaves . . . .  ...

THREE SILVER SUCRES (1932) Presentacion Balbuca adjusted the drawstring at the waist of his white, pajama-like Indian's trousers. He threw his red poncho with its broad lead-colored stripes over one shoulder and remained standing, motionless, in the door of the small-town lawyer's shabby little office. "You'll see, you'll see, Balbuca," the lawyer was saying. "The judge has ruled against us so far, but it doesn't matter. We'll appeal." He added: "Don't forget the three sucres." But the Indian was no longer listening. He spat on the ground in front of him, the way llamas do, and trotted up the steep, narrow street to the town square. He seemed oblivious to his surroundings, and his face wore a dark frown. But the expression was merely external. In reality, he thought about nothing, nothing at all. Every now and then, he stopped to rest for a moment. He scratched the ground with his stubby toes, drew the air thickly into his lungs, and expelled it with a hoarse whistle, a sort of prolonged "hunhhh . . ." of exhaustion. Then he resumed his rhythmic trot up the hill. When he reached the square, he sat on a stone bench attached to the wall of one of the buildings that faced it. He took a handful of toasted barley from a small cloth bag that hung around his neck under his poncho and tossed it into his mouth. The starchy sweetness of the barley made him thirsty. He went to the fountain that enlivened the middle of the square with its cheer­ful sound and shooed away the mules that were drinking there. "Away! Away," he cried, with a mule-driver's voice. "Away!" The animals moved away, and Balbuca dipped his cupped hand into the dark, murky water and slurped. His thirst slaked, he returned to the stone bench. There he sat for over three hours without the slightest move­ ment indicative of boredom, his eyes fixed on his bare feet, over which green-and-black, shiny-winged flies buzzed and occasionally alighted. Finally, the man for whom he was waiting passed by: Master Orejuela. "Master Orejuela, can you give me three sucres? My boy Pachito will work for you. Can you?" Orejuela, who was the administrator of a nearby hacienda, prided himself on knowing how to deal with Indians. He discussed the matter at length with Balbuca and finally agreed to advance him three sucres in return for three week's work on the part of Pachito. "I know your son Pachito. He is still a little boy, eight years old, nine at most. What can he do all by himself? The sheep would get away from him! He can only be a helper." Finally it was settled. Pachito would start early in the morning on the following day. But there was still a final difficulty to be resolved. "Will you give him food to eat, master?" Orejuela did not like that a bit. Food? Was he going to have to feed the child, too? That was too much! That would just be too expensive! The child would have to bring his own toasted corn and barley rations. The hacienda would provide water . . . . Balbuca implored him. His hut was very far from the hacienda. If Pachito had to bring his own food he would eat so much on the way that it would last only two days. Orejuela finally consented to give the boy food every day . . . except for Sundays. He shouted with laughter. "Sunday is a day of rest. That's a holy obligation, right? The owner of the hacienda is a big Conservative, you know, very Catholic. So let the boy fast on Sunday. The hacienda only feeds workers. If you don't work, you don't eat-just the way they say it is under Commonism. Balbuca accepted, and they closed the deal. "Bring the sucres, then." Orejuela indicated that they would have to draw up a contract first. "The hacienda has to protect itself. The kid is a minor and you'll have to give your permission in writing as his father. The laws are very strict." So they went to look for a government official, whose office was in the dim and foul-smelling little back room of an old house, to formalize the contract. Presentaci6n Balbuca did not know how to read or write, so he signed the document with a shaky, crooked X. The document incorporated a number of innovations that the official implemented in response to certain silent signals given him by Orejuela. According to what was written and signed, Balbuca declared that he had received not three, but ten sucres, and that he committed his son to provide two full months of personal service. Orejuela then paid the Indian with three coins that he carefully put into the cloth bag that hung around his neck. "Don't forget to send the kid tomorrow bright and early." Presentacion promised to do so and went out the door. In the street, he hurried down the hill. When he got to the lawyer's shabby little office, he stopped. "Doctor," he called from outside, "I have brought the three sucres that you said." The lawyer appeared at the door and extended his trembling hand, as avid as a beggar's. He explained: "These three sucres are the rest of the five that I needed to buy the stamps that have to go on your petition to appeal the judgment against you." The lawyer squeezed the three coins between thumb and fore­ finger, and found that he could bend them. He shook with fury: "These are made of lead, not silver! They are as false as your mother!" Indignant, he threw the worthless slugs of metal in the Indian's face. "You wanted to fool me, Indian son of mule! M e . . . a lawyer!" Balbuca silently gathered the slugs out of the dirt. Once again he climbed the hill and looked around the square for Orejuela. He found him sitting at a table drinking chicha with the government official who had drawn up the contract. "Master Orejuela, they are no good," he said, putting the worth­ less coins on the table. "Master doctor said so." Orejuela reared up violently. What! What was this piece of rubbish saying? That he, Felipe Neri Orejuela, had given out counterfeit money? Is that what he was saying? Accusing him of a crime, was he? In the presence of a gov­ernment official? He addressed his companion in dismay. Would the authori­ties allow this? Would they not impose a modicum of respect for a free Ecuadorian citizen publically insulted by a miserable Indian? An outrage! What on earth had this corrupt country come to? Balbuca listened without expression to Orejuela's histrionics. Then he said simply: "Change the coins, or I won't send the boy." At that point, the authority had heard enough. He turned to a couple of Indian day laborers who were passing by and commanded them: "Grab hold of this lowlife." Hesitant but cowed, they obeyed. Turning to Balbuca, the official added: "I'm taking you prisoner, and you'll stay in jail until your boy reports for work. Contracts are sacred and must be obeyed." Balbuca struggled weakly in the arms of the men who held him. His eyes were very wide. His pupils were dilated. He bit his lips and said something unintelligible in Quechua under his breath. Then he fell silent and stopped resisting. Orejuela now intervened sympathetically with the official. He offered to send a man to Balbuca's hut as soon as possible to collect the boy so that the Indian would not be in jail long. He, Orejuela, was not the sort of man who liked to see others suffer, not even uppity Indians who violated the rules of civilized behavior. And, in fact, eight-year-old Pachito was brought at dawn the next day, with his sweaty little face and his ruddy cheeks that, chapped by the cold air of the high Andes, gave a misleading impression of robust health ...

"The Mayor's Wife" (Chapter 13 from La Casa del Sano Placer. Translation by Susan Benner) By Alicia Yanez Cossio     When the mayor's wife left Dona Carmen Benavides' house, where Dona Carmen had made it perfectly clear that there was something very shady going on between the mayor and the so-called Redhead, that woman who had created such a bad impression among all the curious neighbors, then, in a fraction of a second the whole structure of her married life fell apart, shattering into a million pieces. It was like opening a window and having the tail of a lost tornado break into the house, scattering all of the papers on one's desk-similarly she saw her marriage drowning in a whirlpool. Like a storm which topples even the strongest trees, mixing the dust, the dry leaves and the trash in the streets, so her passions and emotions whirled about inside of her when her earlier nagging suspicions became reality in the guarded conversation she had with Dona Carmen Benavides. It was an indifferent earthquake, and she was at the very epicenter trying to maintain an impossible equilibrium in order not to be swallowed alive, watching how everything she had once thought of as firm and secure was falling apart and turning to dust while she herself was being flung from one side to the other. Nothing would have happened if he had only told the truth from the beginning and had had her to help him free himself from the Redhead's blackmail, because that class of secrets had a tendency to grow rapidly beyond control, and when it blew up, what had been nothing but microbes or bacteria suddenly were transformed into enormous elephants. But what might have been didn't matter anymore. The reality was what she felt at that moment, even if she were acting on an assumption, a mirage. If she had only noticed the Redhead's withered face and ungainly body. But that would have been worse. She would have felt the insult more deeply, for she most definitely felt she had been suddenly tossed aside. She felt hot and cold at the same time. The sting of hail and licks of red-blue flames. Burning persist en that red and diffuse sparks of love. Humiliation of the kind you feel like the slap of a hand on your cheek, and which finds its way into your psyche. Uncontrollable fury that blurs the contours of things and makes you see red and yellow spots. The solid truth and the omnipresent lie. Total confusion and pure hope. Altogether, turned about and unraveled, jumbled and deformed in a tremendous confusion, swelling up so as. to produce some kind of abominable abortion that fed itself with a ravenous hunger on its own blood. She walked with slow, uncertain steps, feeling as if there were a red hot nail in the middle of her chest, as if she had an obsidian splinter stabbing her ribs or a large corkscrew screwed in and then removed, taking with it threads of her own worn and withered flesh. Unsteady on her feet and unable to control her mental equilibrium, drunk on the passions which assailed her, she felt an accumulation of uncontrollable sensations. She fled from the presence of others and answered their greetings without knowing who they were nor what they were saying. "The mayor's wife was acting very strangely. She didn't answer the questions I asked her. I'd say she wasn't in her right mind." "She didn't even say good-by, like she ought to. She left me with my hand in midair waiting to shake hands." The vertical walls, the half-opened doors, the closed Venetian blinds, the twisting, cobblestone streets, the familiar houses, were all beds in which she saw details of entangled, nude bodies: buttocks, mouths, hands and torsos without their usual erotic connotation, but rather, immensely tragic. It wasn't possible, and yet it was. She felt as if she hated and forgave at the same time and with a violent intensity that could shatter anything, including one's life. Absolute certainty and terrible doubt blended together in one mass, then scattered in different directions, separating and reuniting like the lights of the will o' the wisp. 'Yes' and 'no' jumbled together with the bewilderment that leapt like a lightening bolt, point down and vertical, like an unsheathed sword, and the inquisitions which twisted about in her and in her terrible and desolate situation, pursuing her with questions that didn't wait for answers. Blind vengeance and possible pardon splashed together in the same sickening swamp of jealousy. Rage spurred her on with an intensity so unknown to her that she felt the need to reach a level of physical violence, of blood and blows, of tearing skin and flayings, of strikes of a metal-tipped whip and the kind of bites that leave pieces of dripping flesh in your teeth. At moments she was able to stand back and look at herself, and then she felt a pitiful compassion. She saw herself shrunken, dehumanized, broken, like some worthless old object you throw away when you can replace it with another, newer one for a reduced price. She walked quickly, almost running along the path of her own history and the torturous trail of a gratuitous insult, not to her vanity, but rather to her feelings. "What's wrong with the Mayor's wife? She didn't even seem to be watching where she was going. She pushed me aside like she owned the street. If she's in such a hurry she should use her car instead of assaulting defenseless citizens."The tornado continued inside of her, jumbling everything: good memories and bad ones, which appeared in illogical sequences, sweet words and bitter ones repeating themselves, leaving a crust of honey and bitter herbs, promises which were made and then, little by little broken, as if they were made to some other people who had died. Arguments which ended in endearments like the raging waters of a river returning to their banks, although they weren't the same. Long silences which devoured words, like a terrifying tunnel without escape, and other times when words were smooth as silk, confidences that one only says, only hears, once. If it were possible to go back in time to retrieve something forgotten, she would have looked more closely at the woman they called "the Redhead," but that wasn't how it had been, and she only concentrated her attention on the signals of her husband's infidelity and the woman's long, claw-like nails. It was all so fast and so senseless, like those misfortunes that approach silently on tip toe and then suddenly explode with a certainty so real that it remains incomprehensible.That a woman would destroy herself for a man, patience and more patience until suddenly she explodes, but that the cause should be another woman was outrageous and repulsive. Feeling absurdly unbalanced and vulgar, she thought of going through his personal mail piled on the table in the front hall. She thought of checking his pockets and the lining of his coat and searching his office, Masochist, as if pain itself had turned against her, she bit her lips until they bled, breathing raggedly in order to quiet the wail which struggled to escape her throat. She clenched her fists tightly, digging her nails into the sweaty palms of her hands, leaving marks like blue half-moons in a line. Her face burned as if shame itself had taken possession of all the pigment cells. It wasn't just that they had snatched away from her something that was more or less hers, it was above all else this pain of an irreparable affront, it was this representation of jealousy in its most feminine manifestation. She at least had the good sense to take the long route home in order not to pass the house with the green shutters where the Redhead lived. Her heart pounded at a savage, unaccustomed rhythm as if death were fluttering nearby. She didn't want to die; before that she wanted to take some kind of horrified delight in the butcher shop of bodies which stubbornly appeared everywhere. "The Mayor's wife passed by and didn't even bother to look at me. Her face was all red like she had sunstroke, and it even looked like she'd been crying."She finally reached her house, but it didn't seem like the place from which she had left just a short while ago. She fell face down on the bed as if collapsing after dragging herself across the burning sands of some absurdly desolate desert, and gave in to the torrent of tears she had been fighting down the entire endless tripfrom Dona Carmen Benavides' house to her own, a journey in which she could find no oasis, just the mirage of a woman offended and displaced. There was nothing to be done nor anywhere to go nor anything to say, except perhaps to ask herself if it was his fault, as it had been so many times before; if it was the fault of the woman in the house with the green shutters, who was probably stunningly beautiful and the poor man succumbed to her charms; or if it was just that she herself was old and hideous. She didn't understand anything anymore. And she walked over to the mirror and looked at her face, and saw that the years were etching dreaded crow's feet there, but you could only see them if you got up close. And she saw two long lines extending up from the corners of her mouth, but they were still faint. And she touched her face and began to examine herself closely, inch by inch. She didn't look at all old for her age. And she noted her double chin, swearing softly, but her neck wasn't yet like that of an old lady. And with one stroke she tore off all of her clothes and stood naked in front of the mirror. She was herself and no one else. She had put on a little weight, and it made her seem shorter, but that wasn't enough to make her ugly. Standing naked like that in front of the mirror she looked as if she were confessing and intended to absolve herself. Her breasts were no longer firm nor quite in the same position as before. But they had served their mission well with each of her children. If men only knew how to look beyond appearances they would discover that hidden beauty that you can't see, but that you experience all the same. And she saw the four or five long stretch marks on her stomach which were neither ugly nor beautiful, but made her remember that a human being had grown inside of her, which was an amazing fact in itself, astounding enough to be sacred. And she examined her back and her sides and she saw that she looked older, but not repulsive. And she thought with a slight chill that if by virtue of fathering children men were to develop some kind of scars, she and all mothers would love those marks and would stroke them over and over again to remember those times and to feel young once more. There were no two ways about it, she had been young and now she was aging, but even as she was, old and getting older, she was herself and she liked that. Her body began to radiate a new light, and if others couldn't see that light, too bad for them. She knew that old age could never be ugly because being old was no one's fault. Poor, pitiful humanity with its wretched ego would still have to struggle forward on crutches for millennia and millennia before learning to love beyond those things that age. She tired of standing in front of her own body and sat down in order toexamine herself inside. She closed her eyes and began to see herself. She was a woman with an irrefutable capacity to love, but she was seeking the impossible if she expected others to react similarly, even just a reflection, an imitation. She thought about the past that one always remembers in such moments.Together, shoulder to shoulder they formed their family. In the beginning they were poor and poverty united them. He worked as a clerk and she washed his shirts. They hoped they would inherit someday, but their relatives refused to die. As soon as they escaped from poverty, he began to visit the Bronze sisters. He said he was a lover of Chopin and Beethoven, but she knew it was of Clarisa. He tired of her in time and got involved with an entertainer from the first circus that came to town. He disappeared for several days. They said the circus company threw himout by the scruff of the neck because they didn't understand what he was talking about. When he came back she didn't make a scene as she had often done before because she didn't want the neighbors to talk, and because it broke her heart to see him come back like a beaten dog. And even more, she felt a petty, but very maternal indignation to think that some low-life singer had rebuffed him. And she continued to think of this and that and the other. In the end there was herself, without resignation, because she saw herself above it all. It was as if she were the mother of all mortal beings, the begetter of life itself and its customs, the one who picked up the pieces when others stumbled and made mistakes; even if she were a sacrificial vestal, with the energy of the slow dying phoenix, she was who she was, the one who never betrayed herself. She turned and dressed herself and felt as if she had grown. Her intimacy needed no clothing because none that she had would serve. She grew in size and volume, so much so that the house felt as if it had shrunk, so much so that she could tell all her everyday sorrows to go to hell, so much so that she could gather up all the pieces of herself, one by one, to fit them together again in a complicated puzzle, so much so that she felt as if she had died and then discovered the desire to live once more, so much so that she could stand on top of her own heart and feel that no one in the entire world could make her give in. She was consoling herself in her own way; what kept her together after such a terrible storm was pride. Whatever happened, it was her pride in being a woman and nothing else.      ...